One of my favourite books of all time is Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert {I look forward to the release of the film this August}.  I have yet to read her latest book - Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage {although I have already written about it HERE}. What I love about Elizabeth Gilbert is how well she communicates what many of us feel and experience in the relationships we share with others and more important the relationship we have with our self.  Enjoy.

About a month ago, I could not even run 1km without stopping to rest 3 times.  I consider myself healthy; I eat well, rest often and practice yoga daily {try to anyway}.  Ask me to run and I would say emphatically -  I don’t run. I hated it with a passion and refused to even bother trying.  Probably something to do with some not so great memories of high school gym class {the run was called THE MILE, we were timed, sent out in a herd - not pretty}.  My partner would ask me to run with him, my Mom would bribe me to run with her {yes bribe!} and even friends would encourage it but still I resisted.

Through my partner’s urging, one day I gave in - it was wretched; I was gasping and stopping, my heart was pounding, legs felt like rubber the next day and all this just to run to the end of the street {in my shameless defense, please know that I am anemic so it can be a little harder on me to run}. “You see” I proclaimed “I can’t do this!” To which my unsympathetic partner replied “you can do whatever you want Alicia, but you have to try!”

Now I run 5k with or without him to push me.  It’s taken me some time to get here but the point is - I’m here {thinking about marathons}. I cannot stress enough how important it is to just TRY the thing you fear, hate or ignore.  It is true; the first step in any journey is always the most difficult! GO FOR IT! YOU WILL SURPRISE YOUR VERY AMAZING SELF!

SEND ME YOUR STORIES OF PERSISTENCE or PERSEVERANCE. You can email me HERE.

Light & Love,

Alicia.

At 23, Julia Butterfly Hill sat in a Redwood Tree named Luna for 738 days, 180 feet above ground on a platform to protect the tree and its surrounding trees from clear cutting.  For more details on her story; I have written about her courageous and heroic effort HERE but I wanted to share with you her wonderful words of wisdom.

Light & Love,

Alicia.

{Video Credit: The Omega Institute}

Miranda - {the struggle to find balance between a  full-time career and being a Mom & getting the recognition she deserves at work} I have never been a Mom so I won’t pretend to know what it would be like to work full-time with that kind of responsibility.  What I will say is that you have to find what works for you and get rid of the notion that there is an achievable balance or even a standard.  It is really hard to work full-time and raise a family but it becomes more difficult when we compete, compare or categorize with other women.  Just do the best you can and give a little extra attention to the kids when you can!

Charlotte - {the often overwhelming role and unsaid realities of being a mother} Again, I don’t have first-hand knowledge of mothering but I have had many conversations with women who had no idea what to expect; the lack of sleep, the constant noise, the quest for alone time, extra laundry etc…  First of all take a deep breath {from your tummy, In 2-3-4-5 Out 2-3-4-5} and know that you are not alone! Many Moms feel overwhelmed, exhausted, inadequate and depressed by what is supposed to be the best experience of a woman’s life - I’ll say it for you, there’s a period when it just feels like it sucks! The guilt and shame that accompany those feelings need to stop.  Those feelings are honest and suppressing them may make matters worse - talk to a friend, your partner, an aunt, a professional, whomever but get it off your chest. It’s too heavy and you have more important things to worry about - like the amazing life you’ve brought into the world! {HUGE HUG}

Samantha - {menopause} Ok, I have only witnessed this “transition” but I have noticed a few things - exercise, proper nutrition, meditative exercise like yoga or running and research do make it easier. I knew a woman once who was very clearly going through menopause, but refused to acknowledge it for fear of aging herself.  The change is natural, normal and necessary; it signifies a passage of time that should be revered and dare I say? Celebrated.

Carrie - {dealing with the perceived monotony and expectations of marriage} As I watched this story unfold in the movie, I couldn’t help but think of my own old reservations about marriage; the way expectations can quadruple, the way the slightest gesture {or lack there of} can symbolize an act of defiance or indifference, how romance can dissipate, how communication can deteriorate and how easily we can take our partners for granted.  In the movie, Carrie’s quest to maintain excitement is handled in a very hollywood kind of way, so it really glosses over what goes on between partners when challenges arise.  My thought on this subject is that the issues should remain between the 2 people and lines of communication should remain open as that is the lifeline to any relationship.  Also, remember it’s very easy to focus on what the other person has done wrong but remember it takes 2 to make a relationship really work and the only person you can really control is yourself.

Here is video of the trailer {the movie was released to theatres in May - I’m that late} for your amusement. Enjoy.

Let me know what your thoughts were on the movie! Email me HERE!

Light & Love,

Alicia.

Many women invest more time and effort in finding a “rich man” than they do in their own financial portfolios.  All that money spent on LOOKING the part can be allocated to BEING the part.  Accumulating your own wealth.  Developing your own long-term financial plan. Essentially, be your own prince charming. It’s very easy to get sucked into the idea that having the right things can make life seem better.  Everywhere we turn we are being marketed to, blogged at {can I say that?}, peer pressured or social pressured into spending money on the wrong things; the right clothes, the right car, the right vacations - it’s all too much and unnecessary.  Invest in your self, your health, your ideas and your life.  I am not suggesting you don’t enjoy yourself, but do make sure you have done right by YOU first!

So to the question LOVE OR MONEY?  I have 2 answers:

1. If you love yourself the money will follow.
2. If you have your own money it’s easier to choose love.

What do you think?

Light & Love,

Alicia.

Nova uses 4 methods to communicate with women through her blog:

1. ADVICE - this section is as it’s titled - advice; it covers tips on happiness, finding your passion, relationships and so many more great words of wisdom.
2. GIRLS WHO GET IT - in this section Nova profiles women who are charting their own path, who have found their way and who have something to say about the process.
3. LIVE TO TELL - Nova shares her personal experiences with us and teaches us a thing or two along the way.  Her honest and friendly approach feels like a well written women’s magazine; cup of tea and quiet place to enjoy are all that’s required.
4. Q & A - Isn’t this great? Nova takes your questions and responds to them in a judgment free, thoughtful and kind way.

But I Love Me More is a wonderful blog, idea and mantra.  I know we’re all really busy but it’s worth it to take a moment to enjoy Nova’s site and her efforts.  You can access her writing at anytime for advice, an escape from your day and those great aha! moments that as women, we can all use.

Nova’s mission statement: “…but i love me more, means making a choice to love yourself, as you are, before anything else.“ I believe that is something We Should Know!

Here’s a snapshot of But I Love Me More in Nova’s own words:

For more information on Nova and But I Love Me More Click HERE

To follow her on twitter Click HERE

Thank You Nova for being such an Awesome Lady!!!!

The recent economic climate has changed priorities, plans, financial circumstances and relationships.  I know many of you are feeling overwhelmed, exhausted and generally concerned about everything.  I would like to say that all of those feelings are okay, natural and necessary. You are not alone.  In fact you are in good company - women everywhere are feeling the same way. So EXHALE!

So far, this year has been packed with a lot of change for me; hard lessons {still, after 30}, great experiences {London is exceptional} and important revelations {I’ll be writing about them shortly}.  As I talk with more women, I find myself giving similar advice and support.  It’s not professional advice by any means but a starting point in the right direction. Too often we forget the effectiveness of consistent small changes…they lead to big changes. I have put together 5 things to consider in those moments that slow you down:

I know these 5 points are over simplifying things a little bit but, in my opinion, difficult or complicated is overrated.  I assure you if you practice the above every day things will get better, your mind will be clearer and things will settle down.  This is not intended to be a blanket fix for everything, just a nice place to start as you begin the second half 2010!

Light & Love,

Alicia.

I ask this question because too often we visit another woman’s home and upon departure criticize or compare her domestic abilities to our own.  We forget the stress, time and preparation that goes in to having people over - even though we all go through the same thing prior to any guest’s arrival.  I just wonder what we are trying to achieve when we do this - and we all do or have at one time.

Basic psychology tells us that the easiest way to make ourselves look better is to make someone else look bad.  There are many flaws to this approach:

1. We reveal our own insecurities
2. We let people know that we talk about people behind their backs
3. It makes us look really bad
4. It doesn’t achieve anything positive
5. We end up opening ourselves up to that kind of critcism

My resolve and the resolve that I offer you to consider is to try to stop.  We don’t appreciate it when our own efforts are criticized or judged.  Why not just be grateful or even appreciative that someone has taken the time to prepare you a meal and offer you a day or night off of cooking?  Pointing out the mistakes to your host or to others is impolite, unnecessary and unpleasant.  This goes double for family and major holidays!  My message here at She Should Know is consistent - let’s support one another rather than tear each other down?!

As always,  feel free to comment or share how you have dealt with this issue in the past…thanks for reading.

Light & Love,

Alicia.

Since June 3rd, 2010, I have not been able to get my mind off of the power of team work - especially the power of women working in teams to reach a common goal.  I am about to tell you about what women can do, but before that I have to tell you that there were a few men involved but since they were outnumbered and this is She Should Know, I am going to focus on the ladies!

So back to June 3rd, 2010 - I sit on the board of KUPE Arts Society {KUPE}; we offer free arts programming to youth in under served communities.   KUPE was nominated to participate in Edelman’s Little Give - Established in 2008, “The Little Give” is Edelman Canada’s annual corporate social responsibility initiative that dedicates a little bit of seed money and a whole lot of time and energy to worthy non-profit organizations working to make a difference in the lives of children and youth.

KUPE was assigned a team of 7 extraordinary women (and 1 man), their challenge? Find KUPE a home in 48hrs.  These 6 women were charged with a seemingly impossible task and yet they pulled it all together without hesitation.   I think they exceeded everyone’s expectations.  Yes, 6 women from different demographics, with different strengths and weaknesses,  all intelligent and completely selfless in their commitment to the goal.  This is a SSK post because I was moved and motivated by what we can accomplish if, as women, we all would just work together we can achieve anything!

This post is dedicated with gratitude to - Rachel H., Rachel S., Stephanie M., Robyn A., Sara R., Rosalind O., and Cynthia I.,  at Edelman Canada.

For Information on KUPE Arts Society please visit www.kupearts.org.

For Information on Edelman’s Little Give please visit www.thelittlegive.ca.

SHE SHOULD KNOW™ - What She Knows™  The Interview

Name: Alicia Mathlin

Age: 30

Role(s): Proud to be a Daughter, Granddaughter, Niece, Cousin, Sister, Friend, Do-Gooder, Entrepreneur and Partner to that Wonderful Man.

MINI-Bio: I have risen to great heights but still believe I can do more and do better; survived some lows and learned quite a bit along the way.  The answers to these questions are a result of my experiences in the different roles stated above, they are my opinions of lessons I have learned and I am certain the answers will evolve as I continue to grow.

QUESTIONS

Please answer the questions provided within the context of addressing your younger self, your candour, humour and response is appreciated:

What would you tell your younger self about…

1.    Confidence? {freedom from doubt; belief in yourself and your abilities}

… focus less on projecting confidence and more on actually being confident.  Know that confidence will never come from an outside source, in fact when you are feeling the best about things may be when people try to tear you down.  So don’t rely on the approval or judgement of others to dictate how to feel about yourself…too often they are dealing with their own confidence issues.  Your confidence actually comes from within; it comes from doing the right thing, making the right choices and being proactive about your life.  Most important, it comes from trusting yourself to know what’s best for you and honouring your gut feelings - they are smarter than you think.  The more you listen to yourself the stronger you will become and your confidence will grow proportionately.  Be your own counsel…

2.    Self-Respect? {a proper respect for oneself as a human being}

…this one is tricky because as a woman you will find that this is linked to everything else in your life and with cruel irony directly related to how people treat you.  All those times when you say yes and your insides are screaming no, you will diminish some of your self-respect.  Don’t be afraid to be thought of as a b****; in time you will see that the people who genuinely care about you will accept your NOs and value your YESs.  The people who think less of you because you don’t agree to do some poorly timed inconsiderate favour are the people who will no doubt take you for granted and who already think little of you anyway.  How others treat you is a reflection of how you treat yourself; you hate that statement and the accountability it implies but when you’re 27, Oprah will say “the more you say no to others the more you say yes to yourself” - you need to know about this before you hit high school.  NO is always more powerful than yes, don’t be afraid to use it!

3.    Faith? {firm belief in something for which there is no proof; religion, spirituality etc..}

… thank your parents for allowing religion to be your choice because the decision is so personal.  It’s okay to say that what you believe is private.  It’s okay to connect with the beauty in many religions, to study them and take your time with what you find.  The one that really resonates with your body, mind and soul will give you comfort when you hit a few rough patches.  Your belief in something larger than yourself is crucial to how you will view animals, the beauty of nature and the air you breathe - gratitude is everything.  Also, this something that is larger than yourself is what connects you to everyone and helps you to remain dedicated to kindness toward all living things…

4.    Health? {the condition of being sound in mind, body and spirit}

…never eat anything with ingredients you don’t understand or recognize and that have a shelf life.  Avoid fast food chains completely.  Drink more water; less juice and pop…slow down; take more deep breaths and go to bed earlier - like 10pm - as often as possible… run and take up yoga; both have meditative qualities that are beneficial to your mind, body and soul.  But to go deeper, you have to know that your health is everything; your body is all you are guaranteed to have until the day you die.  Do not wait until you are really sick to understand it’s value.  Also, your body is precious and should be revered; it asks  for your love, your care and your consideration and in return it will carry you through this life…

5.    Wealth? {the total of one’s money and property}

…save more than you spend and live on less than you make; that is the secret to wealth.  It’s not going to be that easy, but that has to be the foundation of your relationship with money.   Use your money for memorable things - the things that really matter to you; like travel, cultural experiences and original artwork.  Also, what you do with your money has a lot to do with self-respect because the more you have the more choices you have, and I am not talking at the mall.  I am talking about freedom!   Freedom to do as you choose when you choose!  Save! Save! Save!

6.    Relationships with other women and/or with men? {a particular type of connection existing between people related to or having dealings with each other}

…on relationships with Women;  really nurture and enjoy the healthy relationships you have with other women and completely discard the unhealthy ones.   You will have heartbreaking moments with the women you care about and they will hurt far worse than anything a boyfriend could throw at you but move on.  Do not let those upsets define your relationships with women because there are some amazing women out there that will be there for you and who will support you when needed…

…on relationships with Men; do not have one until you are solid in all of the above.  While good relationships can help you in so many ways.  Bad relationships can destroy you and unfortunately your skills at judging a good relationship are really not developed young lady.  What they don’t tell you about relationships is that they can completely change who you are and they can have an adverse effect on all of the above.   Your Dad is right, just focus on your school work because it too effects all of the above and will prove to be more important.  The boys will always be there and they do get better with age…keep in mind that the best relationships are the easiest - simple is good.  Tears, pain and doubt are not usually present in the right relationship…

Take this opportunity to write about the most important thing that you have learned and how it has made you the amazing woman you are today.

The most important thing I have learned is that I am still learning…

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO COMPLETE THIS INTERVIEW AND SHARE IT WITH SHE SHOULD KNOW™  READERS JUST CLICK HERE ; YOU CAN COPY AND PASTE THE INTERVIEW AND SEND IT TO ME.  YOU MAY ALSO INCLUDE A PHOTO IF YOU’D LIKE.

As always, I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Light & Love,

Alicia.