I’m so glad that you wrote, specifically “I’d say: Please have figured out your own life. Please be economically autonomous. Please educate yourself. And Please choose someone who likewise, is all of these things. ” because… people do not understand this. That is to say, they do not seem to understand this insofar as my experience has shown me.
I am 25. I’ve been with my boyfriend, P***, for 6 and a half years.
When people hear this I can see the wheels going in their heads. And then the questions start… When are we getting married? Are we thinking of kids? When are we buying a house?
…Why are those the questions? Why not.. Are you happy? How do you manage to maintain your relationship? …Why are you waiting for marriage, do you -want- to get married?
There is such a societal expectation that when a couple has been together for a time that they want to get married and it is inevitable that they will. Surprising, really, as I had believed for a long time that we lived in an age where marriage could acceptably take a backseat to careers and was a choice, not an obligation or expectation.
I applaud all women (and men) who can love (and/or live with) someone because they want to, because they are happy, because they’ve found someone they genuinely want to be with. I applaud them for not needing a legal contract to remind them where their hearts should be, what their priorities should be.
That said, I also applaud the women (and men) who marry because it is their choice, their desire, and they want to express their mutual commitment to a loving relationship and lifelong emotional bond through a legal bond.
Marriage should be an expression of love, not an expectation of society.
I am economically autonomous. I am educated. I am experienced. When my boyfriend has finished his education and he has sorted through his finances, we will take the next step. The next step being what is best for us and what makes us happy. Will it be marriage? Perhaps. Do I feel “Okay, this is it, I’m done?” Yes. That’s how I know that -if- the next step is marriage it will be for the right reasons.
And really, in the end, isn’t that what matters? Not that you make the “right” choice, but you make it for the right reasons?

THANK YOU CASAUNDRA LOCKE FOR THIS INTELLIGENT AND BALANCED REPLY.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?  Identify your perspective in your reply {i.e.single, married, dating, separated/divorced etc…}

The Canadian Women’s Foundation {CWF} is Canada’s only national public foundation dedicated to improving the lives of women and girls.  The foundation raises money to research, share and fund the best approaches to ending violence against women, moving low-income women out of poverty, and empowering girls with confidence, courage and critical thinking skills.  Ranked as one of the ten largest women’s foundations in the world, CWF has funded nearly 1,000 initiatives in every province and territory since 1991.

So Katherine was telling us that the CWF has launched the Women Moving Women program, a national movement created by the Canadian Women’s Foundation to change the face of poverty in Canada. The premise is simple: 2500 women donating $2500 to move 2500 women out of poverty.   You don’t need to be told that 1 in 7 women lives in poverty – likely you know that already.  You don’t need to be told that women fall into poverty for reasons that could happen to any us; illness, divorce, violence, immigration, or job loss.  But you should know this – just $2500 will set in motion one woman’s journey out of poverty and towards financial independence.  It’s ambitious, achievable, and absolutely necessary.

How Can You Make a Difference? A one-time gift of $2500 - or a monthly gift of $41.70 for 5 years - or a yearly $500 gift - will help support one woman’s determination to transform her life.  By funding her participation in a life-changing program you’ll get her back on her feet both financially; through skill-based training, and personally; by supporting her in other aspects of her life like building confidence, networking, and securing child care.

Here’s the thing, at first glance it may seem like quite a bit of money but what if you and your lady friends got together and decided to support a woman through this program? You can break down the payment options in a way that is easiest for you.  You can donate in honour of an amazing woman you know or you can donate in memory of a phenomenal woman who is no longer with us.  If you own a small business it’s a great way to show your business’ commitment to women, community or giving back.   If You Want To Take A Woman Out of Poverty Right Now - Click Here

STAY TUNED …WE’RE GOING TO START TALKING ABOUT MONEY…How To Have More! How To Save More! Invest Better! Spend Less!… and of course How to Have Better Relationship With Money!

When you change a woman’s life you change her family.

When you change her family you change her community.

And when you change her community you create

an environment that is safer, stronger and more prosperous for everyone.

Fast forward almost 4 years and well, Elizabeth Gilbert is married.  In her new book Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage {available now}, Elizabeth investigates a lot of the REAL issues that women face in marriage and the all too important but often ignored issue of self-accountability.  Some quick advice from Elizabeth on marriage {source: Whole Living: Body & Soul Magazine February 2010, p.24; interviewed by Lori Leibovich}:

WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE WOMEN WHO DON’T HAVE TO GET MARRIED FOR LEGAL REASONS?

I’d say: Please have figured out your own life.  Please be economically autonomous. Please educate yourself. And Please choose someone who likewise, is all of these things.  You can develop a life of sustained intimacy without a legal bond. But marriage is a bond of power.

So here are the thought provoking facts:  married men make more money and live longer than single ones; single women make more money and live longer than married ones. Many women get married to have children, but Gilbert cites figures to show that having children raises the odds of a marriage failing, and the younger you are when you marry, the more likely your marriage will fail.

I am not married nor do I have children.  Having seen marriage through the lens of divorce, I did not want to get married or have children.  Frankly, I could not wrap my brain around thinking of someone other than myself first thing in the morning, moving at someone else’s pace or contending with someone else’s emotions/habits/ego regularly on top of my own.  As I read this, I know it all sounds very selfish but isn’t it harder to acknowledge this need for self-preservation after we are married with children.  And yet here I am, in a relationship where marriage is something I would consider with this kind, considerate, intelligent and funny man.  I am not in any rush but I do finally understand what it is like to have met someone and feel like, okay this is it, I’m done.

SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MARRIAGE ? I would like to hear from the women who are married with kids, married, thinking about marriage, engaged, single with kids, single etc… {yes, you can write anonymously}.

Light & Love,

Alicia.

At the beginning of every quarter, I reset my ’self-preservation habits’, I call it that because taking care of your health is truly self-preservation and something you should always make time for each day {without guilt}. Here again for you to involve in your life:

• TUNE UP PART 1
• TUNE UP PART 2 & 3

I published these posts on the site at the beginning of last fall and since then I have received 17 emails/messages to date about how these small changes have contributed to positive changes in your health, your attitude toward nutrition and most important your attitude towards the importance of caring for your body & mind.  If you have any questions or need a personal push in the right direction, you can email me directly any time.  If you would like to add the tips and tricks that have worked for you, feel free to add them below.  Don’t try to change everything at once, it’s too overwhelming, just take each  moment in the day to make the right small changes and get started.

Light & Love,

Alicia.

Happy New Year!!! I hope you enjoyed your holiday season! For this coming year I wish you strength, confidence, courage and great health {with those 4 you can have everything else!}.

2010!  So much to say! So much to do!  Resolutions? None. I just don’t make resolutions {too much pressure} but when a new year begins I do try to do things better.  When I think about She Should Know, that’s what comes to mind…us {women} finding ways to do things better.  Whether it be by offering you stories of other women doing great things, useful tips, food for thought or a step-by-step path to achieving your goals; I am searching high and low to bring you information that makes your life a little easier and helps you kick things up a notch!   I receive a lot of really great feedback from all of you and since your opinions matter so much, I will be changing a few things {just little changes}:

• I appreciate that you like {or love - thank you} what I write but do not always get to it because the posts are too long, so…SHORTER POSTS
• Many of my readers that actually know me {and I hope to know you all; big SSK EVENT this year perhaps?} are missing my ability to find humour in life’s more interesting moments and would like to see that part of my personality infused into these posts, so…MORE HUMOUR
• A LITTLE LIGHTER please, in terms of subject matter, not a lot of people have said this but I think it’s important to mix things up; you’re right, we don’t have to go deep all the time besides sometimes I want to just tell you about a new great something I’ve discovered or an amazing quote that sums it all up {life that is}.
• There are plenty of women out there doing marvelous things and I want to introduce you to them, maybe you need to connect with them or maybe you just need to be inspired by them or maybe you have a daughter/sister/niece/cousin who should intern for them etc…, so…LET’S CONNECT MORE.
• Finally, MORE OFTEN; I am really going to try to post more often…I am going to try {ok, maybe that can be my 1 New Year’s Resolution}.

I will see you soon!

Light & Love,
Alicia.

{Photo Credit: Ben+Maggie}

I have touched on this subject before but am certain I should dig deeper before another year begins and your life continues to unfold through the lens of everyone else’s perspective of you.  It is important to know who you are, what you want and what matters to you.   As women we are asked to remodel ourselves over and over again, almost daily from a very young age; all this changing and accommodating  has a price - you have no clue what your authentic self looks like or really wants and before you know it you have this life that “looks great” but feels awful.  This has to stop. This is the story of too many women and it should not take a life altering event like illness or death to pull us out of the fog and into our bright, clear and beautiful lives.  As always, I am not talking about huge earth shattering steps that disrupt everything and everyone around you; I am talking about small changes that give you your self back, bit by bit. Many of you are saying right away, who has the time? You’re right we don’t have a lot of time these days, especially not for ourselves; so my answer is, if you want, you can keep doing what you are doing and keep expecting a different result but understand that this is the definition of insanity.

If you are willing to try to break this cycle {I say cycle because if you are a female role model to any young woman - daughter, sister, niece, friend, cousin etc…you are showing her that this approach to life is okay when you know it is not}, here are some small changes that make a huge difference in your journey to live your best life:

1. DO NOT SAY YES IF YOUR INSIDES ARE SCREAMING NO - I know that this is the hardest of all because you want to be “nice” but if this yes leads you to resenting the person, feeling unappreciated and pushes you toward gossiping about the person. Do yourself and them a favour; SAY NO!!!!! I guarantee it will make your YES experiences so pleasant and appreciated.
2. HONOUR YOUR DREAMS - Please note that I did not say follow your dreams, this is because the older we get and the more responsibilities we have - let’s all admit here - when someone says “follow your dreams” you check out because you think they are in dream land. So what I want you to consider is HONOURING your dreams in even the smallest way. Example: After my first visit to France, I dreamed of living in Paris {it was a little too late when I realized I could actually do this!} so each month I pick up a Paris Vogue, enjoy pain au chocolat at a local patisserie and listen to Carla Bruni on Sundays.  These are small things but they keep me happily in touch with myself.  What small things can you do for you that keep you in touch with your dreams?
3. DO NOT HIDE THE REAL YOU - You may have been doing that for many years, but start to ease out of hiding, even if you begin with just your big toe.  For many years I wore my hair long and straight, when all I really wanted was it to be short and curly.  This seems superficial but when I finally cut it all off I felt liberated.  Yes, liberated by a haircut.  The point is anything you do that you really want to do for you that you have not been doing because of something or someone else, feels liberating or empowering!  Make a list of what those things might be and decide which ones are easier then begin one toe at a time.
4. SAY WHAT YOU WANT - No one can read your mind; no matter how long they have known you, what they know about you etc… as women we tend to suggest what we want hoping that the other person will grasp our subtle cues and make it a reality.  It’s tiring to read, imagine being on the receiving end of this passive aggressive behaviour, yes I intentionally said passive aggressive, many of us use this to get what we want but get really upset or disappointed when people don’t meet our expectations.  NEW PLAN: say exactly what you want and then discuss; that way you aren’t disappointed and the other person does not think you are being manipulating or selfish.
5. BE CONSISTENT - You are responsible for the perspective people have of you!  This is my least favourite to swallow but it’s so true. If you want to be regarded as reliable and punctual, then you must always follow through and never be late.  If you want to be taken seriously, then take your life seriously. If you want people to value your advice, then you must be the example for what you are giving them advice about.  This is crucial.  You have to actually be the person you want people to regard you as and not just once in a while but all the time.  This will prevent their disappointment and your own.  Further, being consistent always gets you where you want to be fastest!

HOW DO YOU STAY TRUE TO YOU?

1. Be Kind to Everyone {even the people who are unkind to you, they especially need kindness in their lives}
2. Smile as Much as Possible {it will make you feel better, ensure the better wrinkles on your face and brighten someone else’s day}
3. Always Be Grateful {no matter what is going on in your life, there is something or someone to be thankful for…even just for a hug}
4. Hug People {we share energy when we hug, make sure you are passing on the good stuff}
5. Appreciate Time with Kids {they remind you how much wonder and excitement there is in life’s simple things; the rainbows, the snowflakes, the park etc…}
6. Listen To Yourself {your voice is always the most important in your life, don’t mute it for someone else}
7. Don’t Sit On The Fence {being neutral is overrated; just be ready to own who you really are}
8. Don’t Wait for the Perfect Time To… {there is no such thing as perfect timing; when you are inspired act on it!}
9. Spend Time with Your Friends {get to know them, really enjoy their presence in your life and hug them often}
10. Stay in Touch with Your Family {this one is easier said than done but is so important and necessary}
11. Wear Colour {it changes how you feel and brightens your face}
12. Drink Lots of  Water {our bodies are like plants; water, love and sunlight}
13. Wear a Natural {chemical-free} Sunblock on your Face Every Day {no matter your skin tone!}
14. Eat Brightly Coloured Foods at Every Meal {fruits, vegetables, leafy greens etc… it will change your life}
15. Give Back Every Day {find a way to help someone, big or small, each day, and you will have helped yourself in ways you cannot imagine}
16. Forgive {Whoever, For Whatever, From Whenever - holding on hurts you more than the other person}
17. End Toxic Relationships Now {your complacency makes it a slow suicide for the soul}
18. Read {Fiction, Non-Fiction your choice but reading is the BEST exercise for the brain…I am talking about books, read books}
19. Do Yoga {this is obviously a personal choice but you should try it for a week…then come talk to me; it improved my well-being, peace of mind and body exponentially}
20. Walk as Often as Possible {I love walking! It’s an easy inexpensive way to exercise, you can do it with a friend and just let the time pass…}
21. Sit Down and Have a Meal with The People You Love {NO TV, just conversation or perfect silence, eat slow and be thankful for your meal, like our parents said there are starving people in the world, savour your food}
22. Be Present {our thoughts are either in the past or the future but too rarely in the present; Be Here Now, so you don’t drop something, miss the street, forget stuff etc..}
23. Enjoy Yourself {this is not about conceit; a healthy appreciation and respect for who you are helps others have a healthy appreciation and respect for who you are}
24. Your Body Deserves to Be Treated Well {it is the only thing guaranteed to be with you from the day you’re born to the day you die, DO NOT TAKE IT FOR GRANTED}
25. Choose To Be Happy {happiness only comes from within, to look for your happiness outside of You is a HUGE risk that will lead to disappointment}
26. Be Open {none of us know everything but all of us know something; don’t close yourself off to new ideas or new people, keep learning and growing}
27. Understand Your Food {to ignore the source of your food is dangerous for you and the next generation; be informed and make better choices}
28. Focus More on Understanding than Winning {no argument is worth hurting someone verbally, those wounds never really go away}
29. Be Positive {there will always be challenges but train yourself to react and respond from a positive place; it almost guarantees a better outcome}
30. Don’t be Afraid To Love {yes you have been hurt, more times than you would like but to close your heart is to close all of you}

WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED ON YOUR JOURNEY?

SSK is about YOU! I know that sounds a little corny but what I want you to know is that this site, community and future organization is really about all women. Young to Old. We have so much to teach each other and the best lessons come from conversation {it’s a little easier than trial and error}. By offering your unique opinions, feedback and ideas to the issues we all face, we enrich each others’ lives and provide support in ways we cannot imagine.  So to get more involved you can…

WRITE FOR SSK A friend of mine asked if she could write an article for SSK? My answer, YES ABSOLUTELY.  I welcome all of your voices, with the following guidelines:

• Topics - Relationships {with yourself and others}, Health {mind, body and soul}, Achieving Your Goals {attitude, action plan, results}, Financial Independence {our relationship with money, action plan, advice, personal stories}, All the SELF stuff {self-confidence, self-respect, self-awareness}
• Tone - Let’s keep things positive!  I am not a fan of negativity, I truly believe it is a waste of time.  We can summarize negative experiences to show positive outcomes and identify our challenges to show how we overcame them but no perpetuating negativity! Even that sounds kind of negative…
• Length - This is where things can be a bit challenging; let’s face it, it’s hard to say everything we want to say in as little as 2-3 paragraphs but you must!
• Your Info - Please include a mini-bio of yourself when you submit an article, this way our readers can connect with you.  It’s important to know where women are coming from when they tell their stories. Please include: Name, Title(s) as a woman {i.e. awesome mom, aunt, daughter, wife etc…}, Age { you can use your age range if you want}, Your Profession {what you do most of the time i.e. government employee by day aspiring romance novelist by night or in my case non-profit organization developer by day and aspiring vegan yogini etc…} or you can remain completely anonymous {but we are really about women owning who they are in their lives; your voice and your identity are valuable!} 
• Visit our New To SSK? page to familiarize yourself with our approach.

VIDEO FOR SSK There is something about video that everybody loves these days, so please feel free to make one! Use the guidelines above and for length please keep it under 3 minutes…also we love laughing, music and creativity here it at SSK, so let your inner artist shine.

PROFILE FOR SSK Do you know an amazing woman or organization that is doing something special for women? Are YOU doing something amazing and special for other women? We want to know! Our readers want to know! A strong community of women helping, supporting and participating in other women’s lives is what we are building.  What qualifies as amazing? Anything or anyone that is making a difference, in a small way or a big way. Email ME to discuss how to give these women or organizations the attention they deserve!!!

DISCLAIMER {Sorry, but I have to do this} - All submissions may not get posted on this site.

PLEASE SEND ALL SUBMISSIONS TO: alicia@sheshouldknow.org.

YOU CAN ALWAYS ACCESS THE INFORMATION ABOVE BY CLICKING YOU & SSK AT THE TOP OF THE PAGE.

Let Us Work Together. To Build Together. To Change Things Together.

In the next few months, as I continue to do my work with SHE SHOULD KNOW™,  I will be launching my next initiative SHE SHOULD GIVE™.  SSG’s purpose is to encourage women’s participation in philanthropy through acts of kindness every day.  We will talk about women and organizations that are doing really special things and making a difference in the lives of others. We will also explore ways to help them reach their goals. Finally, we will share examples of simple and effective ways you have been able to give or make a difference in someone else’s life.  We each have the ability to change the lives of others, change our world and in so doing, change ourselves for the better.  As always I look forward to your feedback and involvement.

I had hoped to save this very special woman for the launch of  SHE SHOULD GIVE™, but my friend Sabrina Virdee, is having a fundraiser this evening {December 2, 2009} for a very important trip and I thought that if I could use this very humble site to give her some extra attention…you wouldn’t mind right?

My dear friend Sabrina Virdee is a Community Health Worker that works with under served youth aged 12 to 21.  She actively enriches the lives of young people every day through thoughtful programs and a genuine passion for making a difference.  Sabrina has taken her work one step further, by creating an effective program specifically for young women called Phenomenal Women {that’s how we connected} but it doesn’t even stop with this program.  Sabrina has been invited to accompany Students Crossing Borders to help reduce the alarming rate of HIV/AIDS amongst young people in Jamaica by developing HIV/AIDS prevention programs, assisting with building of homes & schools and ultimately providing a voice for the voiceless.  Sabrina needs to raise $2,500CAD by January 15, 2010  to make this trip a reality.  Any amount of money is greatly appreciated!

The Sabrina is Going To Jamaica Fundraiser

• Wednesday December 2, 2009 @ 9pm
• Revival Bar 783 College St. (at Shaw St.)
• Music Provided By MILK
• Sponsored by Trojan
• Cost $15 {all proceeds go to fund this important trip}

If you cannot make it to this great event {sniff, sniff} but would like to assist Sabrina on her journey to make a difference, you can contact ME or contact Sabrina directly by clicking here I WANT TO HELP SEND SABRINA!

I look forward to seeing you tonight!

Light & Love,

Alicia.

Do all the good you can. By all the means you can. In all the ways you can. In all the places you can. At all the times you can. To all the people you can. As long as ever you can ~John Wesley

Kate Moss was recently quoted as saying “Nothing Tastes As Good As Skinny Feels.” Ladies, your thoughts?

I posted this quote to get your perspective on this statement, what a response!  I received humour {thank you Fay & Natasha}, nuggets of advice & wisdom {thank you ladies}, the male perspective {thank you Jerome & Pepe} and insight {I had no idea that women suffering from anorexia use this as their mantra - thank you Sarah}.  I want to continue the discussion! As many of you may know, I am passionate about women being healthy - mind, body and soul. Nutrition, in my opinion, is the foundation of good health. Food is less expensive than medicine, food can provide a simple pleasure and food can bring people together in the most wonderful ways.  Here is what you have said already and I welcome you to comment, question and contribute below…

A women’s health is the foundation of her quality of life.  A healthy relationship with food is the stepping stone for a healthy life.  You can follow simple guidelines: eat well and often, eat smaller portions {our stomachs are meant to be the size of 2 fists}, eat brightly coloured natural foods, stay away from foods that have a shelf-life or are man-made {put simply, if you don’t recognize it, don’t eat it}, eat more plant-based foods and indulge once or twice a week and PLEASE - ENJOY YOUR FOOD!