One of my favourite books of all time is Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. It chronicles Elizabeth’s journey to find herself and recover from a broken heart in a pilgrimage through Italy, India and Bali. The book is written with such intelligence, honesty and humour that you actually feel as though you have joined her on this life-altering trip {you also manage to pick up a few life lessons as well}. Toward the book’s end she vows to never get married again.
Fast forward almost 4 years and well, Elizabeth Gilbert is married. In her new book Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage {available now}, Elizabeth investigates a lot of the REAL issues that women face in marriage and the all too important but often ignored issue of self-accountability. Some quick advice from Elizabeth on marriage {source: Whole Living: Body & Soul Magazine February 2010, p.24; interviewed by Lori Leibovich}:
WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE WOMEN WHO DON’T HAVE TO GET MARRIED FOR LEGAL REASONS?
I’d say: Please have figured out your own life. Please be economically autonomous. Please educate yourself. And Please choose someone who likewise, is all of these things. You can develop a life of sustained intimacy without a legal bond. But marriage is a bond of power.
So here are the thought provoking facts: married men make more money and live longer than single ones; single women make more money and live longer than married ones. Many women get married to have children, but Gilbert cites figures to show that having children raises the odds of a marriage failing, and the younger you are when you marry, the more likely your marriage will fail.
I am not married nor do I have children. Having seen marriage through the lens of divorce, I did not want to get married or have children. Frankly, I could not wrap my brain around thinking of someone other than myself first thing in the morning, moving at someone else’s pace or contending with someone else’s emotions/habits/ego regularly on top of my own. As I read this, I know it all sounds very selfish but isn’t it harder to acknowledge this need for self-preservation after we are married with children. And yet here I am, in a relationship where marriage is something I would consider with this kind, considerate, intelligent and funny man. I am not in any rush but I do finally understand what it is like to have met someone and feel like, okay this is it, I’m done.
SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MARRIAGE ? I would like to hear from the women who are married with kids, married, thinking about marriage, engaged, single with kids, single etc… {yes, you can write anonymously}.
Light & Love,
Alicia.
