I ask you the question as this year comes to a close because your ability to answer is very important. If you do not have an answer to this question that you know and believe is the truth of you with every fiber of your being, someone else or everyone else will answer it for you. Their answers will run the spectrum of things that may make you feel like you have pulled the wool over their eyes to answers that make you question who you wronged so terribly in a previous life. But far worse, their answers may ultimately define who you are, what you achieve and how see yourself.
I have touched on this subject before but am certain I should dig deeper before another year begins and your life continues to unfold through the lens of everyone else’s perspective of you. It is important to know who you are, what you want and what matters to you. As women we are asked to remodel ourselves over and over again, almost daily from a very young age; all this changing and accommodating has a price - you have no clue what your authentic self looks like or really wants and before you know it you have this life that “looks great” but feels awful. This has to stop. This is the story of too many women and it should not take a life altering event like illness or death to pull us out of the fog and into our bright, clear and beautiful lives. As always, I am not talking about huge earth shattering steps that disrupt everything and everyone around you; I am talking about small changes that give you your self back, bit by bit. Many of you are saying right away, who has the time? You’re right we don’t have a lot of time these days, especially not for ourselves; so my answer is, if you want, you can keep doing what you are doing and keep expecting a different result but understand that this is the definition of insanity.
If you are willing to try to break this cycle {I say cycle because if you are a female role model to any young woman - daughter, sister, niece, friend, cousin etc…you are showing her that this approach to life is okay when you know it is not}, here are some small changes that make a huge difference in your journey to live your best life:
- DO NOT SAY YES IF YOUR INSIDES ARE SCREAMING NO - I know that this is the hardest of all because you want to be “nice” but if this yes leads you to resenting the person, feeling unappreciated and pushes you toward gossiping about the person. Do yourself and them a favour; SAY NO!!!!! I guarantee it will make your YES experiences so pleasant and appreciated.
- HONOUR YOUR DREAMS - Please note that I did not say follow your dreams, this is because the older we get and the more responsibilities we have - let’s all admit here - when someone says “follow your dreams” you check out because you think they are in dream land. So what I want you to consider is HONOURING your dreams in even the smallest way. Example: After my first visit to France, I dreamed of living in Paris {it was a little too late when I realized I could actually do this!} so each month I pick up a Paris Vogue, enjoy pain au chocolat at a local patisserie and listen to Carla Bruni on Sundays. These are small things but they keep me happily in touch with myself. What small things can you do for you that keep you in touch with your dreams?
- DO NOT HIDE THE REAL YOU - You may have been doing that for many years, but start to ease out of hiding, even if you begin with just your big toe. For many years I wore my hair long and straight, when all I really wanted was it to be short and curly. This seems superficial but when I finally cut it all off I felt liberated. Yes, liberated by a haircut. The point is anything you do that you really want to do for you that you have not been doing because of something or someone else, feels liberating or empowering! Make a list of what those things might be and decide which ones are easier then begin one toe at a time.
- SAY WHAT YOU WANT - No one can read your mind; no matter how long they have known you, what they know about you etc… as women we tend to suggest what we want hoping that the other person will grasp our subtle cues and make it a reality. It’s tiring to read, imagine being on the receiving end of this passive aggressive behaviour, yes I intentionally said passive aggressive, many of us use this to get what we want but get really upset or disappointed when people don’t meet our expectations. NEW PLAN: say exactly what you want and then discuss; that way you aren’t disappointed and the other person does not think you are being manipulating or selfish.
- BE CONSISTENT - You are responsible for the perspective people have of you! This is my least favourite to swallow but it’s so true. If you want to be regarded as reliable and punctual, then you must always follow through and never be late. If you want to be taken seriously, then take your life seriously. If you want people to value your advice, then you must be the example for what you are giving them advice about. This is crucial. You have to actually be the person you want people to regard you as and not just once in a while but all the time. This will prevent their disappointment and your own. Further, being consistent always gets you where you want to be fastest!
HOW DO YOU STAY TRUE TO YOU?
